After years of rummaging through broken thoughts in my head, I've decided to write them down. I need clarity. It's time I try something different as opposed to enlisting in the same tried and failed result. Why not visit an old friend? Today I'm tackling the notion of success. My ability to obtain it and the lack thereof. A very compromising position. Taking two steps forward, moving two steps back. Daunting! Oh how and why did I end up in the place? Self-loathing, self-pity...
self-hatred. I am more than confused. I am ashamed. I know he is ashamed of me. The stress of success can be suffocating. On Instagram I read a message that stated: "Learn to trust the journey even when you don't understand it." So far, I don't understand the situations I have met, the people I have encountered and those I have lost. Sure, I have become a better person through tragedy and pain, but my soul is wounded. The deadliest weapon I have ever faced is my inner thoughts. I can say my faith has bloomed. All...I...have...left...now...is...faith. I am not sad, just cleaning out thoughts stacked on top of shelves, overflowing on racks; attached to the insides of my brain. I am not sad. I'm just making room for happier thoughts; more complete thoughts; instead of those broken. I want to fly away. I am moving further and further back in this thing I call a human sling shot. I want to propel.
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